Aussie Aussie Aussie. Oi Oi Oi!

This post has nothing to do with football.
 It does have to do with me saying "I" all the time. Writers especially in a collegiate setting are discouraged from starting their paragraphs or ideas with "I". There's always a better way to show the reader what you are saying rather than telling them. And showing and telling have to do with this post as well I guess.

I am super hard on myself. I'm mean to myself and constricting. I have strict ideas that I want to adhere to when it comes to me. Me. Me. Me.

I forced myself into a meditation. I totally felt God's presence as I was flooded with only thoughts for a sermon in my heart. In my life. I was in worship and it was like a workshop for me. I was taking notes about what I was hearing and making notes of how to do things differently. I wasn't focusing on what I was hearing but how I could swirl it into my actions.

Gah. So I tried to swirl it toward a positive plan of action. You know me, I always have a plan. If I don't have a plan in my head, I panic and everyone gets to hear about it.

So I was trying to take some meditation notes/reflections about this time of mediation and I wrote:
My testimony:
My wants:
My plan:
My (thinking what should go here):


and then my brain went silent. For like three seconds. A white pause of air in radio space of Amber thoughts.

"When are you going to stop saying 'My'?"


Boom.
Oh. I guess you are right huh Lord? I am saying MY MY MY. ME. ME. ME. I. I. I. and not in a chanting football way. In a how can I gain glory or attention from this way? Golly. I could picture God in my head chuckling at me. Oh Amber, you think you are so powerful. It's cute. I definitely needed the humility. Step down a notch. I should be in the crowd listening to the sermon, not the commenter on the side.  (I think I'll have more words about that later and as to why)

It's because I am self lead out of fear. I have a tight grasp on my fears and insecurities and I push and rule from that.
But I need to push and rule and seek love.
 I need to trust HIM and obey HIM. And lean not on my own understanding. (inhale.....exhale.....)

Why should I have to follow any different of a direction?
Didn't Jesus have to trust HIM and obey HIM too?
To his death?

Three cheers for you King Jesus. Aussie Aussie Aussie. YOU. YOU. YOU.