Way off

Me: My computer is not working properly.
D: What kind of computer do you have?
Me: An HP
D: Really? I had you pegged for as a Yoshiba girl.
Me: Haha. Like the song by The Flaming Lips?
D: What?
Me: Oh wait. That's Yoshimi.
D: I thought that was a type of sushi.

We were just way way off.

Aussie Aussie Aussie. Oi Oi Oi!

This post has nothing to do with football.
 It does have to do with me saying "I" all the time. Writers especially in a collegiate setting are discouraged from starting their paragraphs or ideas with "I". There's always a better way to show the reader what you are saying rather than telling them. And showing and telling have to do with this post as well I guess.

I am super hard on myself. I'm mean to myself and constricting. I have strict ideas that I want to adhere to when it comes to me. Me. Me. Me.

I forced myself into a meditation. I totally felt God's presence as I was flooded with only thoughts for a sermon in my heart. In my life. I was in worship and it was like a workshop for me. I was taking notes about what I was hearing and making notes of how to do things differently. I wasn't focusing on what I was hearing but how I could swirl it into my actions.

Gah. So I tried to swirl it toward a positive plan of action. You know me, I always have a plan. If I don't have a plan in my head, I panic and everyone gets to hear about it.

So I was trying to take some meditation notes/reflections about this time of mediation and I wrote:
My testimony:
My wants:
My plan:
My (thinking what should go here):


and then my brain went silent. For like three seconds. A white pause of air in radio space of Amber thoughts.

"When are you going to stop saying 'My'?"


Boom.
Oh. I guess you are right huh Lord? I am saying MY MY MY. ME. ME. ME. I. I. I. and not in a chanting football way. In a how can I gain glory or attention from this way? Golly. I could picture God in my head chuckling at me. Oh Amber, you think you are so powerful. It's cute. I definitely needed the humility. Step down a notch. I should be in the crowd listening to the sermon, not the commenter on the side.  (I think I'll have more words about that later and as to why)

It's because I am self lead out of fear. I have a tight grasp on my fears and insecurities and I push and rule from that.
But I need to push and rule and seek love.
 I need to trust HIM and obey HIM. And lean not on my own understanding. (inhale.....exhale.....)

Why should I have to follow any different of a direction?
Didn't Jesus have to trust HIM and obey HIM too?
To his death?

Three cheers for you King Jesus. Aussie Aussie Aussie. YOU. YOU. YOU.

I've Got This Friend

Oh, I have got this friend
I don't think you know her
She sings a simple song
It sounds a lot like his

Oh, I've got this friend
Holding onto her heart
Like it's a little secret
Like it's all she's got to give

(The Civil Wars. Album: Barton Hollow)

I've been thinking about friendship a lot this week. I recently diagnosed myself as an ETSJ on the Myer Briggs Personality Scale. It identifies with me so much. They put God first, Family second, and Friends third. But if you know my life, you know my friends are my family. And I have to brag on two friends, on complete ends of the spectrum. I won't name names. But two friends in the Bible came up in my mind when I have been meditating on the acts of friendship and their identity in the Christian religion roles this week. The first one is Mary Magdalene. I know I know. I'm obsessed with her. But in the Gospel of John, Jesus first witnesses his resurrection to Mary. John 20:14-16 says, ¹⁴ At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.
¹⁵ He asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?”
Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.”
¹⁶ Jesus said to her, “Mary.”
She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means “Teacher”).
I have this friend that I would not know what to do without. She has seriously been my teacher and since my mom and I have difficulty conversating sometimes, I constantly run to her in my weakest moments for guidance, and affirmation. I am thankful for her to call me out on myself and make me look at myself.

Then I have another friend. We are not close by any means, but she has taught me a great lesson about what the "church" means. When I was in my last relationship, I loved the church that we attended. I would attend it now if not for awkwardness and the fact that it is four hours drive away. haha. I met some great people there that would become my church family if this relationship were to continue. When the relationship ended, I decided it best to separate myself from those friends I had made. I didn't want to seek their attention or be an awkward acquaintance or for there to be a side to be on. So I ended my ties on fb with them. And I had one woman who messaged me and was like, Um, why are we not friends on facebook anymore? And I explained to her, hey I didn't mean for that to be snobbish. I just didn't want there to be awkwardness or hurt on my end and she responded NO! We became friends in church and in Christ and that's what we are going to be! No one drew a line. In my mind, I was like, "Wow." What a true church embodiment. We are all in the church of Christ aren't we? No matter what is going on or what we think of each other.

That was a great lesson in my heart about what I should be conveying towards others as I "WALK" with Christ or try my best to follow him and RUN as hard as I can to catch up with him. Some of us are proud lions as guardians on his trail. Protecting his word and have his back as He has ours. And some of us are snails and slugs. We are trying to go in that direction and goodness do we have some JUNK we are dragging along behind us.
So the friend in the bible that I was thinking of with these friends were the disciples with Jesus in the boat right after the beheading of John and right before the loaves and fishes. My thoughts went to Mark, (although the story is in Matthew and Luke too, I like Mark's telling). After John the Baptist's beheading and burial, Jesus and the disciples loaded up in a boat to go to a secluded place and to rest and to get away. Like a biblical boys weekend (Just kidding). Once I heard a pastor say, "Why did Jesus get in the boat?"  Ummm DERRR. It just SAID they were going to get away and get some R&R in. Scoff. And the pastor said, "I mean here Jesus is sitting with these guys and they are ye of little faith (particular to Mark's version- maybe that's why I prefer it) and like oh no. How are we going to feed all these people you just preached to (another love in this as Jesus was seeking seclusion with his disciples and people still wanted to learn from him so he ends up teaching to them. Love that. Like volunteering on your day off.) and Jesus is like, Do ya'll not know who I am?" And the pastor says, "Jesus is probably thinking why did I ride with ya'll in the boat? I could've just WALKED. It's enlightening right? Jesus walked on water and so could have just gone out and walked to wherever he wanted to get away from the stress they all just had to deal with. But it's like he needed his boys.
I really like that aspect of Jesus.  Being with his friends, his disciples, when he didn't have to be, because He's JESUS.
It's like he took the bus when the Ferrari broke down with his friends and he could've just rented another. (Work with me here.)

And what a friend we have in Jesus right? There are hymns and poems and icons dating back to forever ago about the relationship with Jesus as friend. One I am surely working on.
So what I'm trying to say is, I'm so grateful for these friends I have. I don't know what I would do (or not do) without you. Ateam plus all of my second Moms. You know who you are.

Funny Story 2

In my Infant and Toddler Development class this summer, the professor has chosen to say "eliminate" instead of "pooping" or "bowel movement" and I gotta tell you: it CRACKS ME UP. It is sooooo much funnier to me than "poop" it's like the proper form of poop. I know it's awful and I'm pretty certain I'm the oldest person in this class minus the professor and I really struggle not to CHORTLE when she says "eliminate". And I've tried to go home and say it out loud over and over and over and I just can't not LAUGH. I have to sit in the back and bite my tongue and lips and put my hands over my mouth so that I don't SNORT when she says "eliminate". I know. It's so immature. I can't help it. It makes me laugh.

Funny Story

I have a funny story to share with you. It's not 100% appropriate, but what the hay.
I had a little break between lab and class this week on campus  so I went into Subway for lunch. I was eating my lunch and a man of a certain ethnicity walked in and ordered a sandwich. Nothing out of the ordinary, but the sandwich artist asked him if he wanted it, "for here or to go". He says, "yes". So she asks again. "Do you want it for here or to go?" And he says, "Huh?" So she asks differently, "Do you want to eat it now or take it with you?" And he says, "Now." So she wraps his sandwich once and puts it on this little platter like you get fries in at a diner and slides it across the counter to him once he pays. Then the guy obviously confused, picked up the tray with the sandwich and walked out the door. With the tray! Hahahaha. I looked at the lady and she said, "Well, oh well." And went back in the back. I had to laugh.