6-28-11 After 5pm. Barnes and Noble
I came to look at some bridal magazines for Christie's wedding-for ideas. I feel like I haven't journaled in forever. Friday night I went to a bbq with Kate, a singles study group for her church and we had a funny time finding it. It was an ok bbq I guess. The male to female ratio was a little ridiculous, but the food and conversation was good. I was a little embarrassed because I felt like I dominated the conversation. I need to get out more. I am really good at listening but even better at talking. Always have been. It's awkward talking about what I do on a daily basis too. I feel like there is too much detail in the nothingness that I do. Markette said she felt like my tasks were "saint like". Ha. I laughed. Makes me feel good though. Friday night I went to see Ashtin at Jose's and figure out a schedule for Sierra's party. I basically just talked to her and Nelson and wrote out the clues for the scavenger hunt. Mikey text me while I was there. I was in shock. I thought we were officially over. He was being very civil which was nice. Usually he's just hurt and mad about the whole situation. Which helps nothing. He said he was in St. Louis helping a friend move and so after Jose's closed up, I went home. On my way home Mikey text me that he wanted to see me in an hour. I needed to trust him and he was actually in Fayetteville. Great. He no showed. I cried on dickson street walking back to my car. Ran into my ex boyfriend who was walking three blondes back to their car. Cried some more. Then I was almost to my car when a highschool friend and he basically just came up and held me while I cried. It was such a pitiful night. Men are just awful. I hope none of them are reading this. I don't know why they would though. Ha! I talked to Ashtin when I got home and got some things off my chest. I made a sandwich, found some chocolate, took my nighttime meds and watched a movie. I finally fell asleep at like 4am. Saturday was a little better. I woke up at 3pm and talked to my mom about what had happened the night before and she was very supportive of me being mad for a bit.
The show had to go on. I called Markette and then took the Yukon to the carwash and then escorted a group of 15 year old girls around Fayetteville. That wasn't as bad as you might think. Markette and I then went back to my house for a bonfire that my brother and cousin had set up. Markette and I went in early and talked to almost 4 or 5 am? I don't remember now. I haven't had a sleepover in forever and when I did it was in my apartment where everyone had their own couch and it's been a good couple years since I stayed up all night talking or shared a bed. Later Sunday Robert and I had a riding lesson. That was fun and I learned a lot.
Monday, Mom and I went to David's Bridal to try on bridesmaid dresses for Christie's wedding. We tried on a few different ones, decided on an unconventional one (which was absolutely gorgeous) and then went to lunch. There, we met the groom, a super nice guy named Shawn. Then Mom and I went around town. We went to Mustache Fayetteville and Riffraff. I was in love with both stores :) Later I found out that Toni Brown has furniture at Riffraff! Then we went to Sonic and got icecream and went to Daisies and Olives right before they closed. I had to do a quick skim through. It was a really good little afternoon. On the way home, Mom said that she really enjoyed our little "shopping" trips.
Tuesday I took Mom to therapy and since her therapist was going to be gone Thursday and Friday, we had a 9am therapy session on Wednesday. I woke up super early. After her appointment, we came home and I ate lunch and went and met my very dear friend Jennifer Meads for coffee at Arsaga's! I actually had Naked Juice instead of coffee, and we chit chatted and shared pictures. We didn't really catch up because I talk to this woman hourly, or "on the regular" as we call it. hahaha. I love her so much. She is there for me- hourly. We literally have the same life. We'll count that as the good. Coffee and shopping.
Later that night, Mom came out of the bathroom and she was crying. I tried to console her, but usually when she cries about being frustrated she doesn't want to cry on my shoulder because she feels awful that she is leaning on her daughter for support and comfort. I try to explain to her that it's what I'm there for and I'm happy to do it, but she usually just wants to work through it herself and if I can get her calmed down enough to go to bed, she sleeps like a rock.
Then that night I had a nightmare that she was dying and I couldn't get to her fast enough. I was trying to drive to her and couldn't find her and I just knew she was about to die. It was an awful nightmare and I couldn't tell that I was dreaming. Usually I can, unless it's that bad. So we'll count that as the bad.
I've been asleep the past two days. I kid you not. I do not do stress well. I haven't had any sleeping pills or anything. Yesterday I layed out and then came in and slept. Til this afternoon. So then I woke up and took a shower. Now I have a little bit of energy, but I think I'm going to be spending another night in my Harley Davidson pajamas eating M&Ms and watching British comedies. Don't judge me.
Hugo has been so lovey this week. Lub him. He's been such a joy.
Thanks for reading.
More thoughts later. :)
-Amber
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